I questioned as my reflection was looking back at me from the body of water as I dreadfully stared. I was out of mind now thinking back upon my past mistakes. Who was I then, and who am I now? I do not understand who I am or yet become before my very own eyes. All I know is I am full of regret, anger, and guilt from various mistakes that are eating me alive on the inside. Leaning against the railing of the yacht, I can feel myself slipping as I stare harder; I can hear a voice call to me.

“Dennis … Dennis my belongings” a female voice cried out to me.

I turned my head to look over my shoulder at the woman. It was a vision of my ex-wife, but how or why was she here? I questioned and shook my head whispering to her “What?” confused about what she meant. The figure pointed out to the water. She was getting closer to me and standing by my side. She had a warm comforting feeling to her like an angel’s warmth.

“My things Dennis, the belongings you dumped three years ago … I can see them from the surface” she whispers into my ear.

Something about her tone and voice was hypnotizing. I looked out, and I saw what she saw. She was right. Her belongings were still exactly where I threw them. Finally, my gaze turned toward her as her eyes met with mine.

“Dennis, please could you get my items back… for me?” Her pleading eyes were hard to resist.

“The water seems deep sweetheart,” I respond with hesitance as a frown appears along her lips.

“Dennis, please. If you retrieve my things, I will come back and love you again. Just like the way we used to be … happy in love”.

I felt desperate hearing her mention happiness. I thought for a moment and nodded my head. “Okay. I will do it if you promise that you will come back to me.” I glanced into her eyes, as she sweetly smiled just like she used to do.

“I promise”, she responded reassuringly.

I smiled and nodded my head with a sudden burst of energy. I climbed over the railing. Without hesitation, I took a leap into the big body of water only to hear her squeal and laugh at me for jumping in so suddenly. As my adrenalin kicked in, I could feel my arms stroking the water as fast as they could go. I had nothing left to lose. Breathing bubbles out of my nose, I could feel myself going deeper and deeper. This was the first time in a while I felt so happy to have something I loved and miss back in my life. As my eyes began to fill with tears, they began to roll out of my eyes and blend with the water around me. With each paddle and stroke the visions of us reoccurred in my mind as I got closer to her belongings. “I’m coming home baby.”

My mind went silent. Not even the sound of water filled my ears as I got closer to her items that lay on the water’s floor. I saw the items transform before my very own eyes into a bright light, but that did not scare me one bit. When I finally reached the light, I found myself grasping it tightly with a desire to let myself go into the light. Suddenly, the earth was deathly silent and the only thing that I could see was my own memories. One fading into another until all was black. Now with no air left in my lungs, how would I reach the surface in time?

Finally, I’m free from a body that caused me insanity–nothing remains except peace.

My body floated up to the surface of the murky water while a man or two pulled my lifeless body out of the water. My alcohol concentration levels were at a high of 0.26, three times the legal limit for driving. I died seeking a purpose for my life that would provide hope and happiness only to find the light and happiness out of this world and out of my body.

I am happy.