I can tie my shoelaces, brush my teeth, and wash my hair. I am independent at the age of eight. The concept of independence and the ability to do things alone can be captivating to a young mind. All I had to do was walk the dog. It can’t be that hard. Only two simple steps: put on the leash and walk around outside. The homes along Canary Road are just the same as always. The pine trees’ roots are covered in pine cones and spiky seed pods. The cactus in the ditch in our front yard and the overpowering sound of animals communicating. These are all familiar things to me. It was comforting to know nothing had changed. I thought it was best to just walk around in the backyard since I was still a little kid and all. The grass was still wet from the rain the day before, and the air was disgustingly humid. My premature mind continued to wander.
“Wait, if this is our backyard, and my uncle lives right behind us, that makes our backyard his front yard.”
Hmm, interesting…. Suddenly the tension between the leash I was holding and my tiny hands was completely decimated, as the puppy’s small neck slipped from its collar. The world stopped, as I watched the toy poodle escape from my grasp. I had just lost all the power I thought I had. All I had to do was catch the dog and put it back on its leash. I can do it alone. It can’t be that hard. I try to suppress my fear of losing him in the woods near our home. I chased him from our baby blue house to the tan home right behind it. I was on new territory, out in the open, and completely vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks. My shoes were covered in mud, and my chest was heavy. This is something I had never felt before. This feeling was not familiar to me, and I didn’t like it.
Barking. All I heard was the deafening sound of barking. As I drifted around the corner of my uncle’s home, my heart sank to the core of the Earth as a result of the sight I had seen. There he was, the puppy making his way into the Devil’s Lair. One hole in the cage just big enough for him to squeeze through. I shouted his name and begged for him to come to me, but my demands were met with not a single response. As his head went further through the fence and closer to the assailant three times his size, the world became suffocating. I felt as if the trees were leaning over me, creating a canopy of darkness; the sky was caving in and my big world had just diminished right before my eyes. It was silent and all I could hear was barking and the sound of my trembling breath.
“He’s gonna die, and it’s all my fault.”
These words were violently cascading through my mind. I needed to regain control. All I had to do was grab the dog. It can’t be that hard. It only took a few seconds for me to compose myself. I could not risk losing him. I went up to the cage and swiftly grabbed the toy poodle by the fragment of his body that was left sticking out. I could finally breathe again. Immediately I started making my way back to the baby blue house. I could only think about how much I wish I had asked for someone to accompany me or help me put on the collar. To this day I still believe I had a very twisted concept of independence.
