“Expose the backside of your thumb and lightly blow on it”. That’s what my sister taught me to do when I was nervous.
I remember telling her that there’s now way that works. It seemed stupid at the time she told me. But now, I believe her. It was the day of only the second soccer game before many. I was very nervous and shaking like it was 27 degrees outside. But it was not. It was actually very warm, as it was spring.
”Are you excited?” My momma asks me. “Yes momma, I’m excited” I tell her. Even though I’m so nervous I feel like I may throw up. Once we arrive at the field, I am the most nervous of all. Seeing all the other soccer games going on. Seeing kids run back and forth. Some kicking the ball all the way across the field. Some not even a foot. I walk through the turf in my cleats. The turf grabbing my foot like many tiny hands trying to pull me under.
My coach spots me from across the field. Tall, fit, shiny white cap, wearing the coaches shirt that every coach has to wear, and black and white shorts. Happy to see his goalie had finally arrived. He tells me I look nervous. He’s the first person I tell that I am. I trust my coach. I always trusted him. He tells me to go sit on the bench and take a breather. He doesn’t want me practicing before this game. He says if I practice while nervous it’ll only make me worse. I sit on the bench and watch all of my teammates practicing. Some kicking the ball all the way across the field. Some not even a foot.
Coach calls my team to the goal to have our talk before the game. He gives the corny coach speech that you see in every sports movie. Though I didn’t think it was corny. I think it helped me calm down. A sort of familiar repetition to make everything seem normal. The refs call both goalies to the center of the field for the coin toss. He asks me “heads or tails?”. I tell him tails. My brothers always told me that since everyone calls heads too often that tails is usually what the coin lands on. He flips the coin in the air. It lands on tails. Just like Brother told me.
I walk to the goal. Coach asks me if I’m still nervous. I tell him no. I’m not nervous anymore. I don’t remember when I stopped being nervous. But I’m glad I’m not, I can focus now. First quarter starts. Nothing happens. 0-0. Coach talks to certain kids to tell them what they did right and what they need to work on. He doesn’t talk to me. We get back on the field.
Second quarter starts. They shoot the ball towards our goal. I catch it and throw it back out on the field to our centers. Nothing else happens. 0-0. Coach calls us to the bench again. Coach talks to certain kids to tell them what they did right and what they need to work on. He doesn’t talk to me. Third quarter. We switch sides of the field. Within the first few seconds they get the ball past our forwards, past the centers, past the defense. Then, past me.
They score a goal. I get nervous again. I blow on my thumb but I can’t. The gloves. My gloves. Not anyone else’s gloves. My gloves. Stopping me from calming down. Third quarter ends. This time. Coach talks to me. He tells me to get my head in the game with the coach’s voice. Stern and straightforward, but positive and reassuring. Fourth quarter. Final quarter. No more chances after these twelve minutes. Still nervous. Still shaking. My gloves, still stopping me from calming down. Luckily I don’t need to worry.
At the start of the quarter our forwards get the ball past the forwards, past the centers, past the defense. And past the goalie. 1-1. Tied. but not a win. Coach always told us to go all the way. That tying doesn’t mean both teams win. It means both teams lose. When I remember this all of my nervousness disappears like rain once it hits the ground. Gone.
It’s the other team’s ball now. They get it past the forwards, the centers, the defense. But not me. They shoot the ball into the lower right corner of the net. I dive down towards the ground. Not scared of hitting it. Only scared of missing the ball. I stop the ball before it passes the goal line. I shout at my forwards and centers to move forward but for my defense to stay back. I shout so loud that people outside of the field could hear me. With both hands on the ball, I throw it into the air. The ball flying like a bird that has no wings. It lands right in front of the centers who get it up to the forwards who then get it past the defense and, finally. past the goalie. 2-1.
With only a couple of minutes left of the final quarter, we stop the enemy team from scoring. The ref blows the whistle. We won! I feel a sort of bliss that I’ve never experienced before. Like soaring through the sky. Coach is happy. My mother is happy. And I’m not nervous anymore.
